If someone in your family, a friend, or close relative has recently dies, you’re probably feeling some very strong and frightening emotions.  Although you may feel like laughing, crying and screaming all at the same time, you may also be scared and confused by the persistent feelings of anger you are feeling as well.  We’d like to help you understand why you may be feeling the way you do and what you can do to cope with some of these feelings.

The death of someone you love is shocking and confusing.  You might say things like “It can’t be true” or “There must be some mistake.”  Even after you get over that first shock, you may still have trouble believing that the person is really gone.  You may find yourself planning things to include the person who had just died.  You could even think you see or hear them.  All of this is natural.  You could also get very depressed and begin to have difficulty sleeping and eating.  If you do begin to feel rundown, please see your doctor.  Poor health can make it more difficult for you to cope with your depression.

Guilt can be another feeling you have to deal with when someone close to you dies.  Even if you know better, you may feel that somehow you’re responsible for what happened.  Perhaps you said things you now regret.  In anger, you could have done things to hurt the person who has died.  Maybe you didn’t say things you now wish you had said.  Perhaps you wanted to say, “I love you” but never did and now it’s too late.

Shock, confusion, and guilt are all normal and natural expressions of grief.  So is anger.

You may be angry with God, the doctor, yourself or even the person who has died.  Try not to feel guilty for the anger you feel.  It’s a natural reaction to the sense of abandonment you’re now feeling.  Your anger could also stem from feelings of loss, helplessness, confusion, fear or loneliness.

One way to cope with this anger is to talk about it with a friend who did not share a relationship with the deceased individual, but who can be understanding and supportive of your need to express a wide range of feelings and thoughts without their own grief getting in the way.  Choose someone you trust such as a close friend, a clergyman, or a respected teacher.

It also helps to talk with someone who does share your grief.  This could include members of your family and that of the deceased or mutual friends.  By openly discussing your feelings with others who are grieving the same death, you will help each other come to terms with the loss.

Another way of expressing the feelings you have is to write them down.  You may want to write directly to the decreased expressing the loss and emptiness their death has brought to you or you may wish to just write about how you feel.  You can keep these written thoughts to reread at another time or if you wish, you can destroy them.  Keep these feelings private or share them.  The purpose is to express very sensitive feelings in a way that is emotionally safe for you.  At a later time, when you feel more secure and comfortable with your feelings about this death, you may wish to share them verbally with a close friend or family member.

We’ve talked about the emotions you may be experiencing if someone close to you has died.  No matter how strange or frightening these feelings may seem, try to let them out.  They’re natural ways of coping with a terrible loss.  Shock, disbelief, depression, guilt and anger are some of the things you could be feeling and it’s not unusual to feel all or several of these feelings at the same time.

Try to allow yourself to feel each feeling as it develops.  If you pretend not to feel them or try to keep them inside, you will only delay things.  Eventually, in one way or another, these feelings will come forth, perhaps when you least expect them or are least prepared.

People often feel that showing sadness through words and tears is a sign of weakness and should not be encouraged.  However, being able to accept and express your feelings means that you are facing the real loss this death has brought to your life.  That takes a great deal of emotional strength to do and is a very important part of your ability to eventually overcome this loss and continue with your life in a productive way.

Well-meaning persons may encourage you to be strong for the surviving parent, brothers or sisters, or anyone else sharing your grief.  Try to avoid hiding your own pain for this reason.  All who are grieving need to know the grief is shared and need to support one another at this time.  Time and the understanding of people close to you will eventually help to ease the pain you’re feeling now.

Is your life getting to be too much? 

Try some of these stress relievers:

1. Take a walk
2. Read
3. Play a game of basketball
4. Meditate
5. Sing karaoke!
6. Go on a drive
7. Play your favorite song really loud!
8. Take pictures
9. Daydream
10. Road trip!
11. Laugh ‘til you cry with friends
12. Hug someone
13. Listen to music
14. Go running
15. Go out for coffee or tea
16. Visit a museum
17. Walk your dog
18. Go to a concert
19. Sing…really loud!
20. Build something
21. Draw
22. Call a friend
23. Go to the beach
24. Go to the library and explore
25. Watch the sunset or sunrise
26. Go on vacation
27. Practice yoga
28. Go camping
29. Tell jokes
30. Make a scrapbook
31. Cook dinner
32. Bury someone in the sand
33. Spend time with a pet
34. Play in the rain
35. Attend a sporting event
36. Help someone
37. Have a picnic
38. Lift weights
39. Go to the aquarium
40. Take a shower
41. Watch the clouds
42. Go on a hike
43. Hold hands with someone you love
44. Have a water balloon fight
45. Get a massage
46. Do your nails
47. Watch a movie
48. Look at photo albums
49. Do makeovers at home
50. Clean
51. Go swimming
52. Play a board game
53. Take a bubble bath
54. Pray
55. Bake something
56. Surprise someone
57. Watch the stars
58. Go kayaking
59. Soak up some sun
60. Watch Comedy Central
61. Give yourself a facial
62. Whistle
63. Redecorate
64. Think about the last time you laughed really hard
65. Spend time with family
66. Try something new
67. Go out for ice cream and get all the toppings you want!
68. Help a friend
69. Have a girls’ night
70. Have a guys’ night
71. Color
72. Play Twister
73. Collect seashells
74. Make funny home videos
75. Sew something
76. Cry
77. Punch a pillow
78. Make jewelry
79. Start a hobby
80. Stretch
81. Watch Oprah
82. Do nothing!
83. Go to a football game and dress up in the team’s colors
84. Take a nap
85. Take a bike ride
86. Dance
87. Fly a kite
88. Play with a  puppy
89. Pick flowers
90. Grow a garden
91. Write a poem
92. Sit in the shade and drink iced tea
93. Get dressed up
94. Have a cook out
95. Paddle
96. Create and perform a play
97. Climb a tree
98. Play in the mud
99. Build a sand castle
100. Go fishing
101. Do volunteer work

Join the Hawaii State Library 2008 Teen Summer Reading Program!

From now until July 12th, teens are encouraged to visit their local public library, read at least one book per week and receive a free reading incentive, while supplies last. Weekly prize drawings will also be held. Teens may also enter for a chance to win one of three Pearlridge Center back-to-school shopping sprees, sponsored by Hawaii Pizza Hut. Each library will also have a prize drawing for an Apple iPod Shuffle.

For more information, visit the website below or contact your local public library.

www.librarieshawaii.org

During your younger days, you probably got along with your parents.  However, as you’ve grown older, relating to them has become more difficult.  Do you ever feel that although your parents listen to you, they don’t truly hear what you’re saying?  Parents tend to nag about school, your friends, chores, and rules.  Communication between parents and teens sometimes breaks down to the point when you talk to your parents only when you need something from them.  Sometimes parents will only talk to you when it’s time to clean your room or take out the garbage.  If this happens often, you might start thinking that your parents don’t have time for you and your problems, and maybe they really don’t care.  Before you give up, try a few of the following suggestions.

Timing is important.  Knowing when to talk to your parents is as important as knowing when not to.  If you approach your parents only when you want something, they’ll soon be on their guard, and be less likely to pay attention and take you seriously.  Depending on how busy you and your parents are, you might want to schedule a specific date and time for you to get together to talk.  When they’re busy, you may not get their full attention.  For example, if your mom is getting dinner ready, setting the table, and helping your siblings with homework, help her and wait until things calm down before sitting down to talk with her. 

How often do you talk with your parents?  If you don’t very often, make an effort to strike up a conversation, even if it’s only about the weather or something funny that happened at school.  Natural and easy situations occur all the time.  If you and your dad or mom are washing dishes, folding laundry, or painting the living room, use that time to talk.  There’s already a certain closeness because you’re doing something together.  Also, they might be feeling positive about you to because of your effort to help around the house.  This action on your end may help them to be more understanding when you share that you’re failing English or want their permission to buy a car.  Try to be more sincere with your efforts and do things only when you want something.    

If you’re asking your parents for a favor or for permission, allow them enough time to think about it.  Don’t use a hit and run approach—that is, hit them with the request and then run out the door.  For example, you ask if you can use the car that night as you’re running out the door, headed to school.  You might figure, “this way they can’t ask me why and will have to say yes or no right away.”  If you use this approach often, your parents will get upset about feeling manipulated, and will be more likely to say “no” to your request.

As we mentioned earlier, timing is important.  Try to avoid approaching your parents when they’re tired or when they are concerned about their own problems.  Look at it from your perspective- when you’re tired or busy, do you like it when your parents want to have a serious talk?  Probably not, because you’re less likely to want to talk or are too distracted to give your full attention.  The same goes for your parents.  And if you know your parents are dealing with their own problems, reconsider before you hit them with your own problems.  Once in awhile, your parents may appreciate you listening to them. 

Effective communication involves both talking and listening.  If you haven’t been doing your share of listening, you may not get to do your share of talking.  The next time you notice that your parents seem uptight, try asking if they want to talk.  If you haven’t done this before, you might initially get a weird reaction.  Keep trying.  Eventually, it will get easier for you and your parents to share your thoughts with each other.  You’ll show each other respect and be genuinely interested in what you both have to say.  Remember, don’t give up on your parents if they seem like they don’t care about what you have to say.  Look through some of these suggestions, and give it your best shot.  Good luck!

If a friend is threatening to commit suicide right now and you’re with them, cautiously remove the drugs, gun or whatever your friend may be considering using from the area.  However, if your friend is holding a loaded gun or a knife, don’t try to take it away.  Calmly ask them to give you the weapon and then encourage your friend to talk about their feelings.  Stay with your friend at least until the crisis is over.  During the crisis, it is critical to contact an adult you both trust who can help you deal with this situation—perhaps your friend’s parents or yours, a school counselor or a minister.  An alternative is to call a suicide prevention or crisis intervention hotline such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK.  Immediately contact an adult if any weapon is involved.

An estimated 1 million people a year die by committing suicide.  What drives a person to intentionally end their life?  It is hard to understand the plight of a suicidal person if you aren’t in their shoes.  Suicide is a desperate attempt to end hurting that has become unbearable.  It is important to understand that suicidal people are conflicted about ending their own lives.  They wish there was another way to stop their pain, but they feel hopeless.

A suicidal person may not ask for help, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want help.  Most people who commit suicide do not want to die – they simply want the pain to go away.  If you know someone who is thinking about suicide, you may feel uncomfortable bringing it up.  Remember, talking openly about suicidal thoughts can potentially save a life.  Suicide prevention starts with recognizing warning signs and taking them seriously.

Most suicidal persons are conflicted about their suicidal feelings.  As a result, most show some of the following warning signs:

• Talking about killing or harming oneself
• Writing about death
• Seeking out weapons to use such as drugs, knives, or guns
• Having no hope for the future or feeling trapped
• Feeling worthless
• Making arrangements for death, such as making a will and giving away prized possessions
• Saying goodbye
• Withdrawing
• Self destructive behavior, such as unsafe sex, reckless driving, increased use of drugs and alcohol
• Exhibiting a sudden sense of calmness – this sense of calm after a period of depression can mean the person has made the final decision to proceed with suicide. 

If a friend is showing warning signs of suicide, you may be uncertain about your role as a friend.  Should you confront them?  What if you’re wrong?  What if they get angry?  What if you plant the idea in their head?  The best way to find out if someone is suicidal is to just ask.  Your genuine concern and care will not encourage suicidal thoughts.  In fact, you asking may give them a chance to express their feelings, make them feel as if someone cares.  In return, your concern may prevent a suicide attempt.  Here are some suggested questions to ask:

·        Do you think about harming yourself?

·        Have you thought about suicide?

·        Have you ever thought it wouldn’t matter if you were dead?

If they answer “yes” to any of these questions, encourage them to explain why.  If someone openly tells you they are suicidal, it’s important to evaluate the severity of the threat.   Remember: Those at highest risk for committing suicide in the near future have a specific suicide plan, the means to carry it out, a time schedule for doing it, and the intention to do it.  Here is a guideline of the different levels of risk a person may be at:

LOW RISK: Some suicidal thoughts.  No plan.  Says they won’t commit                  suicide.

MODERATE RISK: Suicidal thoughts.  Vague plan that is lethal.  Says they won’t commit suicide

HIGH RISK: Suicidal thoughts. Specific plan that is lethal.  Says they won’t commit suicide

SEVERE RISK: Suicidal thoughts. Specific plan that is lethal.  Says they will commit suicide.

Remember: Do not under any conditions leave a suicidal person alone!

The best way to offer support is to offer empathy and a listening ear.  Let them know they are not alone.  Remember, you can offer support, but you can’t get better for a suicidal person.  They have to want to get better. 

Here are some ways to help a suicidal person:

• Get help.  Call a crisis hotline for referrals or advice.
• Do not promise confidentiality.  A life is on the line – do not promise your friend that you will keep their identity a secret from the people who are helping.
• Offer them optimism.
• Listen.  Lend them an ear.  DO NOT act shocked, lecture on life, or say suicide is wrong.
• MAKE A PLAN FOR LIFE.  Help them come up with steps to take in case of a suicide crisis that they promise they will follow.

At least 90 percent of people who commit suicide suffer from depression, alcoholism, or a mental disorder.  Depression in particular plays a large role.  In addition to these general risk factors, both teenagers and elders are at a higher risk than other age groups. 

Teenage suicide is a growing problem.  In a world of emotional turbulence and stress, teenage years can be tough.  Teenagers face the pressure to succeed and to fit in.  They struggle with self-esteem and self-doubt.  If someone you know is thinking of suicide, get help.  Don’t try to handle the situation on your own.  It takes many years of professional training to effectively handle suicidal individuals.  So if your friend makes you promise not to tell anyone, break that promise!  You can save their life by getting help.

Coping with any relationship break up can be emotionally painful.  Most people experience these feelings at least once in their life.  Even when a bad relationship ends, a deep pain and loss can be felt.  However, the challenges created by such a difficult loss can be turned into opportunities of tremendous growth.

The break-up can be especially painful when it was beyond your control to end the relationship.  You may feel a sense of failure, hopelessness, despair, fear, or desperation.  Many times the length of the relationship compounds your emotions.  After a long length of time it hurts to see the end of all you invested spiritually, emotionally, and physically into the relationship.  Even for shorter relationships the fantasies of hopes for the future can be similarly heart-wrenching. 

You may also experience denial of what has happened because, “He loved me,” or “She said we’d always be together.”  You may find yourself bargaining and saying,” If only we can get back together, I’ll never argue with him again.”  Some days you may desperately want to get back together, while at other times your anger will cause you to feel no desire to see the other person again.  Eventually, you should come to a point of accepting break-up.  This may happen quickly or it may take longer – every situation is different.

In order to deal with the break-up, it can be helpful to look closely at the relationship.  This process can help you grow personally as well as help you build healthier relationships in the future.  Examine the reasons why you liked this person.  Was it sharing common interests, a sense of humor, or being able to communicate well?  Did you like them because of good looks, a nice body, status in school, or because of money or a nice car?  Perhaps you liked them because they liked you a lot.  Were the qualities you were initially attracted to still present later on in the relationship?  Which qualities  were important, and which ones were superficial?  What were the negative points in the relationship?  How did each of you contribute to the break-up?  Did you not pay enough attention to this special person or was there extreme jealousy?  Honest answers to these questions can help you honestly reflect on the relationship and to move forward with your life.

One suggestion to help deal with a break-up is to force yourself to stop thinking about this person.  Try imagining pleasurable experiences that have nothing to do with him or her.  If needed, shout “stop!” or pinch yourself when he or she pops into your head.  Create pleasant scenes to keep in your mind—always without the other person.

Additionally, search for activities, both physically and mentally active to engage in.  Ask your parents, a friend or neighbor to help you.  Try to get involved with others as much as possible.  Cleaning a messy room, finishing an uncompleted project, offering help to your parents or a neighbor are all things to consider.  Also, take time to look at yourself and list qualities you like about yourself, and promise to add one quality to the list each day.  Treat yourself kindly by taking the time to read a good book, try a new hairstyle, or spend time on your hobbies.

Grief is a normal and healthy response to loss of any relationship.  Its symptoms are painful, but serve a purpose.  Most grief runs its course, but sometimes grief can trigger depression.  Depression can feel unrelenting and overwhelming.  You may feel numb, lifeless, and empty.  How do you heal?  There is no single answer, but there are a couple of ways to help you through it.  One is having the support of others.  Even if you aren’t comfortable talking about your feelings in normal situations, it’s important to express them.  Additionally, take care of yourself - eat healthy, exercise regularly, and avoid alcohol and drugs.  Lastly, consider professional help.  If feelings of sadness and isolation persist or the intensity of your grief doesn’t diminish over time, seeing a trained professional may help you to overcome your depression. 

A break-up can be difficult, but this experience can undoubtedly help you build strength.  During this time, you have opportunities to rediscover yourself, focus on close friends and family, and do things you’ve always wanted to do but lacked support from your boyfriend or girlfriend.

It is important to remember that part of growing up is experiencing many types of relationships.  Unfortunately, some of these relationships will end, but in the process you will learn what it takes to build solid, healthy relationships.  Be aware that no matter what you do, you will almost always experience some degree of loss when a relationship ends, but in time, you will feel better.

What’s important about cultural awareness?  What does knowing your culture have to do with knowing yourself?

Culture has an awesome effect on the way we feel, think and act.  It helps us decide what we value and believe, how we communicate, and also what we think of the people and world around us.  Culture is the lens through which we view, judge, and move ourselves in the world.

Living in Hawaii, you have already learned about many cultures through your different groups of friends and family, the celebrations that you have been part of, and the variety of ono foods that we share!  Growing up in Hawaii is like a “mixed plate” where we have sampled tastes of many different cultures.  We even have our own unique “local” teen culture that includes speaking Pidgin English, wearing t-shirt/shorts/slippers, listening to Jawaiian music, hanging out at the beach, and eating “local-kine grinds”.  Beyond this, we have our own family backgrounds and cultural histories that have left imprints on who we are today.

Hawaii’s unique multicultural environment can be traced very far back in history.  To quickly summarize, early Polynesians arrived on canoes, King Kamehameha united most of the islands, and huge populations of immigrants came to work on the sugar plantations.  Now, generations later, we are a truly multi-ethnic and multi-cultural community made up of a diverse group of ethnicities from all over the world.  It’s cool to be “hapa” in Hawaii (though it may not be that way in other places of the world), and many people are likely to be a mix of a lot of different ethnicities!

What does all of this cultural awareness mean in your life?  The answers lie within your own culture and family, and the people you grew up around.  Your answers will be decided by the choices you make to develop your own cultural identity, values, and lifestyle.  The choices you make about cultural knowledge are what you will pass on to future generations.  Being influenced by a country as diverse as the United States and living in a state as multi-ethnic as Hawaii, cultural identity development is complex.  Race and ethnicity, as well as religion, nationality, immigration status, gender, and sexual orientation all play important roles in the development of identity.

Cultural knowledge begins with self-awareness.  You can begin by finding out more about your own “roots”.  Watching videos and movies, reading books, visiting important places, completing a family tree, and talking story with relatives and those who know about your culture are great ways to start.  Attending cultural events, such as festivals, celebrations, and activities are more great ways to explore culture.  You may even want to explore other cultures.  As more awareness of yourself and others who are culturally different grows, you may want to help in reducing the prejudices that exist in today’s world.  Remember, getting to know your culture and yourself will be a lifelong journey.

3 in 10 girls will experience at least one pregnancy before reaching age 20.

Each year the federal government alone spends $40 billion to help families that began with a teenage birth.

Only 41% of teenage mothers graduate from high school and only 1.5% will earn a college degree by age 30.

Nearly 80% of unmarried teen mothers end up on welfare.

The sons of teenage mothers are 13% more likely to end up in prison, the daughters are 22 % more likely to become teen mothers themselves.

Nearly 80% of fathers of babies born to teen mothers do not marry their babies mothers.

Tips for Teens

How to Avoid Pregnancy
On this webpage you can find plenty of material including information about abstinence and contraception.

Facts & Stats
Looking for the latest data on teen sexual activity, pregnancy and childbearing? Look no further - here are answers to the most commonly asked questions.

Test Your Knowledge
Think you know it all when it comes to teen pregnancy? Prove it.

Teens Tell All
What do teens think about sex, pregnancy, contraception, parents, the media, and religion? Here are quotes from teens themselves on these and related issues.

Teen Resource Guide
A list of web sites where teens can find further information.

Farrington High students win environmental prize

The “think globally, act locally” slogan has served the environmental movement well for decades, but Farrington High students have taken it a step further.

Farrington High’s Dream Team, from back row left: advisor/science teacher Bebi Davis, Sheville Lee, Minhtrang Nguyen, Robert John Delim, Robbin Manzano and Herald Nones. Front row: Princes Rosit, Genevieve Cagaoan and Carmina Figuracion.

Courtesy of SERVCO LEXUS

Buttoning It Up At the Backyard Jam

Date: February 24, 2008

By: Kimberly Frando 

      Whether it was the smell of the food that brought people in to the Backyard Jam or just the music that was attractive to the ears, the Backyard Jam was the place to be on February 24. From small keiki to adults, everyone had fun!

        The event brought in all types of visitors. One of the main attractions was TeenLine Hawaii.  They had a booth where teens could customize their own buttons. With tons of different designs and colors to choose from, some people couldn’t seem to pull themselves away. Not only could teens help the TeenLine Hawaii peer educators make buttons, but they could also listen to the variety of bands playing in the background. From Jahmaka to Raiatea Helm it was obvious in the attendance that the crowd was really enjoying itself.

     The TeenLine Hawaii booth and peer educators had a lot going on, everything from button making, to giving out information, to getting visitors to take part in a board game for a chance to win a prize.  For the peer educators, their first task was getting people interested.  With the size of the crowd hovered around the booth all day, it was clear peer educators weren’t having any problems with this task.

        TeenLine Hawaii was just one of the many vendors at the Backyard Jam. But it was clear it was one of the most popular. “I think this is the best one out of everything,” replied a little girl when asked about the event. Working hard to please the crowd, the line of people was unending for the peer educators. There was so little time for the volunteers to work on their own buttons that when closing time came they scrambled around trying to make as many buttons as possible.  One of the volunteers even decided to start collecting buttons. With her excitement clearly not absent, volunteer Gianina Frando, pictured below, exclaimed, “Making buttons was totally awesome and inspiring.”

     Whatever it was that TeenLine Hawaii did, it was sure enough to get every age group visiting them!

Peer Listeners

Trained Peer Listeners help Hawaii’s teens by responding to e-mails and phone calls and by providing useful referrals. Peer Listeners are supervised by the TeenLine Hawaii project coordinator and prevention specialist, positions funded by the HYSN and OYS with the Coalition for a Drug-Free Hawaii.

Peer Listeners can be emailed at info@teenlinehawaii.org.

Peer Educators

Peer Educators from across the state volunteer to promote TeenLine by creating presentations, visiting schools, attending info fairs, writing newsletters, among other activities. They also provide input on the website information, article topics and services.

Other Ways to Help

TeenLine Hawaii would appreciate your help in any area you are interested in participating.

Contact us to:

· share details about an upcoming event you’d like to see featured
· invite TLH to be present at an upcoming event
· help TLH at an upcoming event
· create TL presentations for schools
· brainstorm ideas for new topics on the website
· update website scripts and design our website

Spread the word–tell your community, school, friends and family about TeenLine Hawaii being a valuable resource for Hawaii’s teens.

If you are a teen or know of teens who are interested in helping other teens, e-mail us at: info@teenlinehawaii.org or call us at 521-TEEN (8336) or toll-free at (877) 521-TEEN (8336).

All calls and emails are confidential!

Email: info@teenlinehawaii.org

Call or chat: Monday - Friday ~ 2:00p.m – 5:00p.m.

Phone: 521-TEEN (Oahu) or toll free 1-877-521-TEEN (Statewide)

AIM: hawaii521teen

Yahoo: teenlinehawaii

MySpace: www.myspace.com/teenlinehawaii

TeenLine Hawaii’s aim is to direct teens who want help to the best and most
appropriate people/organizations. We do not offer counseling services, however, teens
are welcome to contact us with questions they may have.

Our program focuses on youth with the goal of enhancing their health and well being by:

• Empowering teens to help themselves and each other
• Encouraging participation of youth in our activities
• Community building locally and statewide
• Being safe, useful, credible and appealing to our audience

Information on a variety of topics that are important to teens are accessible at any time. Some of the topic areas include: sex, alcohol and other drugs, emotions, family, relationships, school, violence, GBLTQ, foster care, practical & vocational issues, and personal development. Local youth resource information is also available.

We are looking for dedicated Peer Listeners and Peer Educators to keep us going in the right direction. Please click here for more information on how you can get involved.

TeenLine Hawaii is sponsored by the Hawaii Youth Services Network (HYSN), Department of Human Services-Office of Youth Services (OYS), and is a program of the Coalition for a Drug-Free Hawaii.

Privacy and Confidentiality

We take your privacy very seriously, and all teens who visit our site can be assured that their information will not be made public. We will not retain your personal information for any purposes, and we will not disclose any identifying information (including e-mail addresses) to anyone else.

We may keep useful general information, which is helpful for us to learn who visits our website so that we may make better decisions on our updates. This voluntary information could include age, sex, location, school, ethnicity and other answers, which have been gained from quizzes, surveys, etc.

Disclaimer

TeenLine Hawaii utilizes material, content and advice from a number of local and national organizations that are acknowledged experts in their field. We strive to make all material on our website appropriate, approachable, and sensitive. TeenLine Hawaii cannot accept responsibility for a liability that may occur to an individual or organization through visiting our site or accessing our services. Please feel free to use the information provided by TeenLine Hawaii, but please make sure to reference our website and URL.

Links

We take great care to ensure that the links on our site are relevant to our audience, however, these links do not imply that we endorse those services nor can we take responsibility for the material that appears on those sites. We welcome any feedback regarding our links.

What is it you want in  your life?  Do you have a special goal or dream but aren’t sure how to achieve it?  Do you know what steps to take to have things turn out the way you want?  Perhaps you feel a lot of confusion about what you want to do with your life and where to focus your time and energy.  Here, we’re going to encourage you to not get overwhelmed, and to not give up.  Most of the good things that happen in life aren’t so much about luck or being in the right place at the right time, but because of hard work, motivation and planning.

One of the things that makes it difficult for you to set goals is the confusion you may feel about what is important in your life.  For some people, a way to sort out their thoughts is to sit down and write out a list of what is important, and what they want to accomplish.  Make time to look through your list and analyze your thoughts.  Some of the things you may want for yourself could seem like an unrealistic dream.  Have you ever thought of exploring these dreams and looking at them from a different perspective?  Setting goals and planning sometimes sounds really hard, but we actually do it all the time. 

Whether your goal is a small one or a great big one, a long term one or a short term one, remember that you have a much better chance of achieving what you want if you break your goal down into simple steps.  For example, imagine hearing about a concert you really want to go to.  What are the first things you’d do?  Find out when and where it is, where to get tickets, how much they cost, come up with the money, ask your parents if you can go, etc.  Taking each step, one at a time, and sorting out all the details gets you to the concert.  This is only one example of lots of things that you have planned and carried out in your life. 

What about a bigger, long term goal?  Let’s say you want to continue your education after high school.  What kind of career are you interested in?  If you’re able to narrow it down, you can even begin taking helpful classes while you’re still in high school.   Where are the best schools or training centers located?  How much does it cost?  What kind of scholarships are you eligible for?  Where will you live? 

The list can seem endless, and sometimes it seems too difficult or too much work to be worth it.  Let us remind you that before you can make any final decisions, do make an effort to talk to people who have already completed a similar program, or are working in the career of your interest.  What suggestions do they have?  How about talking with your guidance counselor at school?  Your counselor can give you some of the answers to your questions or they can refer you to someone with answers.  Also talk to your parents, teachers, friends, relatives, etc. so you can get as much information as possible. 

Don’t let all of the details overwhelm you and get you down.  Sometimes, in order to get more of what you want in life, it is necessary to do things that may seem intimidating, uncomfortable, or even a little scary.  Reach beyond what you thought you could.  Stretching yourself to your fullest may involve giving up something else—for example, if you are to participate in some kind of music contest or sports event on Saturday morning, you may have to give up a Friday night date or party.  Focus on the eventual positive outcome rather than the not as fun parts beforehand.   Face setbacks with a positive attitude and try to do your best. 

We hope that this information has gotten you motivated to work on your goal planning.  Remember that planning is very important, and get into the habit of breaking those goals down into simple or easily understood tasks so you will be able to attain them.  If something is important to you, give it your all to continually challenge yourself and move closer to your goal.  Good luck!

     Although you might feel that putting an end to your life has got to be better than going on with the way things are now, what you really need is someone who cares enough to try to understand how you feel.  But if you’ve reached the point where you think that suicide is the only solution, you’ve probably already tried to let someone know what’s happening to you.  You might have done something, or said something to your parents or a good friend, hoping that they’d pick up on it and realize that you can’t cope with your problems anymore.  Maybe you even threatened to kill yourself.  Most likely, though, the people you tried to let know what was happening to you didn’t pay much attention. That probably made you feel that no one understands or even cares about you.

       It isn’t that these people don’t care or love you; they just don’t know what to do to help someone who’s thinking about suicide.  They become frightened or embarrassed, and pretend they don’t notice or hear.  They might feel hurt; because they think you’re blaming them, or feel angry because they’re being asked to deal with something they just can’t handle.  For most people who haven’t been there, wanting to end your life doesn’t make any sense.

       But if the parent or friend you’ve turned to for help doesn’t know how to help you, your situation is not hopeless.  Before you do anything drastic, please talk to someone who is trained to give you the kind of help you need right now.  Talk to a social worker, guidance counselor, or psychologist at your school.  Or, talk to a priest or minister.  They care and they can help.

       If you don’t want to, or feel you can’t talk to anyone you personally know, don’t give up.  You can also call a suicide prevention or crisis intervention hotline.  Here in Hawaii, try the Suicide and Crisis Line at 1-800-753-6879.   Most cities have them now and you find their numbers in either the white or yellow pages of the telephone book.  The people who answer these hotlines are trained to help you and really care about your problems.

       We know that sometimes things can get really rough, especially during the teen years.  Parents and other older people may tell you that these are the best years of your life, but you know better. You may be having serious problems with your family and feel that your parents don’t understand you or even love you.  They may be making impossible demands on you to do better in school, or pressuring you do this or that, which makes you feel that they don’t accept you for who are.  Maybe you’ve lost someone without whom life doesn’t seem worth living.  You may be feeling terribly lonely, or feeling worthless as a human being, for whatever reason.

       We can only guess at what’s happening to you, but we know that you are probably frightened, confused and feeling hopeless.  Right now death might seem like the only answer because it doesn’t look like things will ever get better.  But what you need is to get someone to understand what’s happening to you.  This can be hard at times, but it can be done.  You must dive deep into all your resources.

      Since most people do not know what to do to help someone who’s thinking about suicide, make sure the person you pick is a professional who is trained to give you the help you need.  We suggested that you see a psychologist, social worker or school counselor or teacher, minister or priest who you would feel comfortable to talk o.  Or, you can call a hotline where someone will talk to you or put you in touch with someone who can help you.

      Please reach out for help until you find it.

     There are times when not telling the whole truth is a good idea.  You wouldn’t, for instance, tell a child who’s just dressed himself for the first time that his pants and shirt don’t match.  You’d stretch the truth a little so you wouldn’t hurt the child’s feelings or destroy his sense of achievement.  Sometimes we stretch the truth a little too far, though, and end up manipulating and deceiving people.  Here, we’ll look at several different kinds of lies, and why people use them.  We’ll talk about what these lies can do to you and your relationships with others.  We’ll also suggest some things you can do to resist the urge to lie.

     If you’re feeling guilty, puzzled, or ashamed because you sometimes lie, you’re only human.  We encounter a number of situations in our lives that may lead us to lie to different degrees.  First, there’s the “little white lie.”  We often use it to avoid situations we’d rather not deal with.  For example, if your mom asks if you had a good time at a party you went to, you might say, “It was OK,” even if you didn’t have a good time, just to avoid a lengthy discussion about it.  This kind of lie often keeps us from talking about our true feelings and sharing an important part of ourselves with others.

    Another kind of lie is when you boast or brag about something, like if you lie about how much money your dad makes, or how far you got with your date.  Lies like these are often a signal that someone is feeling down about themselves, trying to cover up something, or simply looking for attention.  Other times, we tell lies if we feel that the truth will get us punished.  If telling the truth means getting grounded, it can be tempting and convenient to lie.  You could tell your parents you got home at 11:00 p.m. when it was actually 2:00 a.m., but this type of lie te