Even best friends are hard to get along with sometimes.  No one is perfect, people make mistakes, and getting into arguments is normal.  However, how you handle an argument is very important and can be the difference between keeping a friend and losing one.  When dealing with arguments, we must look at a few things: how arguments get started, how to handle an argument properly, and how to prevent an argument before it happens.  By understanding these things we become better at handling arguments and hopefully are able take better care of our friendships.

     There are many ways an argument can start.  A basic formula for an argument starts with a misunderstanding or assumption which leads to confrontation.  Sometimes an argument is caused by an accident like bumping into someone or spilling something on someone.  Although it is not intentional, it is unpleasant for the person it happens to and they may take offense and start an argument.  Another way to start an unintentional argument is through competition or debate.  Some people are over-competitive and will argue over bad calls or even fight to win or sometimes a debate may get out of control and turn into an argument.  Teasing is an intentional way to start an argument.  By making fun of someone you purposefully offend them, which would make them want to retaliate and defend themselves.  Although we are entitled to our opinions, sometimes it isn’t always the nicest thing to just blurt out what we think or make fun of someone to their face.  If someone called you fat or stupid, even though you may or may not be a little on the plump side or a little dumb sometimes, it still hurts and you are going to want to say something back to defend yourself.  Sometimes people say bad things about another person behind their back and that person finds out.  Rumors and backstabbing are almost always messy arguments that get started because other people know before you do making the argument a lot bigger than just you and the person who started it.  We do not always have control over what others do, so sometimes arguments are inevitable.  However, knowing how to handle arguments will help resolve a situation that could possibly turn into a fight.

     There are good ways and bad ways to deal with arguments.  The way you handle an argument can lead to a peaceful resolution or could turn into a blowout fight or a possible loss of friends.  There are a few steps to take when dealing with an argument to obtain a better outcome.  The first step is to stop and think.  Take time to cool down and think about the situation before you do or say something you may regret.  The thing you are arguing about could be small and insignificant or it may even be a misunderstanding.  You must identify the problem.  If you don’t know what the problem is, then how will you know what needs to be fixed?  It often helps to put yourself in the other person’s shoes to understand why they might be upset or hurt.  Communicate your feelings during an argument.  It helps the other person understand where you are coming from.  Remember, do not yell.  Yelling doesn’t solve the problem and it doesn’t make you sound logical or rational either.  A person is not going to respond to yelling, and although it may help to get your aggression out, it may just make you angrier.  Once you have explained yourself and understood why the person was upset, you can discuss possible solutions and come to an understanding.  Be willing to apologize if you hurt the person or contributed to the miscommunication or problem in anyway.

     Sometimes an argument can be prevented even before it starts.  Before you do something that might upset or hurt a friend remember to think about their feelings.  Think of other possible outcomes or alternative actions that may prevent a friend from being hurt.  If you aren’t sure you should say or do something then put yourself in their place to see how it would feel if it happened to you.  If a friend is important to you, then you should consider their feelings. Good friends wouldn’t want to hurt each other.  Good friends respect each other and look out for one another.  So be a good friend and think twice before doing something dumb or hurtful to a friend.

     Arguments happen.  Sometimes there is no getting around it.  People do dumb things or don’t take other people’s feelings into consideration before doing something.  By thinking before you act you may be able to prevent most arguments before they happen.  However, if you do find yourself in the middle of an argument, remember there are good and bad ways to handle them and the way you handle them could be the difference between keeping a friend or losing them.