There are times when not telling the whole truth is a good idea.  You wouldn’t, for instance, tell a child who’s just dressed himself for the first time that his pants and shirt don’t match.  You’d stretch the truth a little so you wouldn’t hurt the child’s feelings or destroy his sense of achievement.  Sometimes we stretch the truth a little too far, though, and end up manipulating and deceiving people.  Here, we’ll look at several different kinds of lies, and why people use them.  We’ll talk about what these lies can do to you and your relationships with others.  We’ll also suggest some things you can do to resist the urge to lie.

     If you’re feeling guilty, puzzled, or ashamed because you sometimes lie, you’re only human.  We encounter a number of situations in our lives that may lead us to lie to different degrees.  First, there’s the “little white lie.”  We often use it to avoid situations we’d rather not deal with.  For example, if your mom asks if you had a good time at a party you went to, you might say, “It was OK,” even if you didn’t have a good time, just to avoid a lengthy discussion about it.  This kind of lie often keeps us from talking about our true feelings and sharing an important part of ourselves with others.

    Another kind of lie is when you boast or brag about something, like if you lie about how much money your dad makes, or how far you got with your date.  Lies like these are often a signal that someone is feeling down about themselves, trying to cover up something, or simply looking for attention.  Other times, we tell lies if we feel that the truth will get us punished.  If telling the truth means getting grounded, it can be tempting and convenient to lie.  You could tell your parents you got home at 11:00 p.m. when it was actually 2:00 a.m., but this type of lie tends to make you feel guilty.

     Lying affects both you and your relationships with others.  If you’ve ever been caught telling a lie, you know that the person you lied to will begin to distrust you.  This distrust can lead to resentment with the other person eventually questioning your value as a dependable and trustworthy person.  The likelihood of you maintaining a good and healthy relationship with the people in your life is reduced.  Other people may avoid relationships with you just to protect themselves.   

    Usually, the more we lie to others, the less honest we are with ourselves.  Probably the biggest danger in continually lying is that it eats away at our sense of self-worth.  We may be able to fool others with our lies some or even most of the time, but this makes us start doubting ourselves, and our feelings of self-worth really take a beating.

     If you think you’re using too many of these handy “little white lies,” try figuring out why you use them - and then do something about it.  Let’s say, for example, that you just finished talking on the phone to a new boyfriend or girlfriend, and your mom asks who it was.  You say, “Oh, nobody special.”  She gives you a weird look and you know she doesn’t believe you.  Maybe you lied because you resent her poking her nose into your phone calls.  It could be a good time to talk to your parents about your need for more privacy. 

     For boasting lies, it can be tied to trying to impress others.  If your sense of self-worth could be built up in other ways, maybe you wouldn’t feel as much pressure to lie or hide the truth about yourself or your life.  Building your self-confidence could be very helpful, and we encourage you to read some of the articles in the Physical & Emotional Health category. 

     What can you do if you lie to avoid getting punished when you tell the truth?  That’s a tough one, especially if the punishment seems unfair to you.  Let’s say you stayed out too late because you were having a great time.  Your parents are ready to ground you, and you could get out of it with an excuse…or you could tell the truth. 

     If your parents don’t understand, you’ll have to face the consequences of your actions.  That won’t be easy, but being responsible for what you do is an important part of growing up.  Don’t cheat yourself by lying to avoid responsibility and risk further problems with your parents.  You probably knew there would be a punishment if you broke curfew, so the choice was yours.  We cannot guarantee that you won’t get punished, but because you were honest, in the long run, it will be the better choice.

     Remember, people usually lie because it’s convenient, because it boosts their egos, and because they want to avoid punishment.  But telling lies can lower you sense of self-worth, and the people you lie to will come to resent it and distrust you.  If you’re lying to avoid punishment, try telling the truth.  It’s a good way to learn how to accept responsibility.  It may be a cliché, but honesty really is the best policy.  Thank you.