If you’ve decided that you’re not ready for sex, it’s more than OK to say no.  It’s probably the best thing you can do for yourself.  Now that’s a pretty heavy statement, considering that our society seems to be fairly open about sex.  Deciding when, where, how, and with who to have sexual intercourse is everyone’s privilege, married or single, young or old, male or female.  Although whether or not to have sex is supposed to be a matter of individual choice, many young people today feel pressured to have sex.  If you’ve decided to say no, we think that’s great. 

      Sex itself is not harmful or sinful or wrong.  But when you’re young and not ready to handle the responsibilities and possible consequences of sexual intercourse, sex can be very harmful. 

      Sex, when it results in an unwanted pregnancy, can have frightening consequences for the girl and guy involved, for their families, and for the child that might result.  Sexually Transmitted Infections or STI’s are more than embarrassing and are a serious health hazard.  If you’ve been taught by your church, family, and community that premarital sex is wrong, and you too feel it’s wrong and have sex - you may feel guilty.  When news that you’re sexually active and available gets around - and it does - it can destroy your reputation.  Pressuring a partner into having sex when he or she doesn’t want to is abuse.  Being pressured by a partner into having sex when you don’t want to is being used.

     We said before sex itself is not wrong.  But it is wrong if it makes you feel guilty or ashamed.  If it takes place between people who don’t care for or respect one another, it’s wrong.  If you’re too young to assume responsibility for the possible consequences, it’s wrong.  If it hurts you or your partner physically, emotionally or socially, it’s wrong.  At this time in your life, you’ve got enough problems learning about and trying to understand your body and your feelings and your relationships with others.  You shouldn’t have to deal with sex and all the stresses that it can mean.

     So as we said, it’s more than OK to say no.  It’s probably the best thing you can do for yourself.  But once you’ve made your decision, how do you stick with it?  Sooner or later, you’ll probably be tempted by your own feelings or be pressured by other people, to change your mind.

     We’ll get into some practical advice in a minute.  Right now you may be feeling like “everybody’s doing it” but you.  No matter what you hear, or feel, you are not the only one saying no.  Sure, lots of people your age are choosing to get sexually involved and some are probably younger than you are too.  And yes, statistics on STI’s among young people, the number of teenage pregnancies, and the rate of abortion among teenage girls are alarming.  Your friends and the people you date may be telling you that everybody’s doing it.  It may be true that almost half of today’s teens have had sexual intercourse.  But that also means that more than half have not.  Add to that the number of people who got pressured into having sex when they really didn’t want to and those who say they’re sexually active when they’re really not and you’ve got a definite majority not having sex.

     So how do you deal with temptations and pressures to get sexually involved?  Probably the best thing you can do is to be prepared.  That means be prepared for hassles, be prepared for lines, and be prepared for situations that might lead to something you really don’t feel is right for you.

     Let’s say you’re emotionally involved with someone, maybe seeing just that one person.  You’ve decided that you are not ready for sex.  Before things go too far, try talking about your feelings and your partner’s feelings.  Try to come to an understanding about where you’re both at right now.  A lot of people, not just teens, assume that love and sex are the same thing, which is not true at all.

     If you’ve run into situations where a guy or girl pressures you on the first date to have sex, how can you prepare yourself for that so that it doesn’t happen again?  Two things - know a few things about the person you’re going out with so there isn’t a big sex surprise at the end of the evening.  And, if the girl or guy has a reputation, don’t go out with him or her in the first place.

     And whatever the situation, be prepared for the lines.  Know them and know that they are just that - lines to get you to come across.  Don’t fall for “everybody’s doing it,” “I’ve gone down with your friends,” “I’ll show you how great it can be,” “I love you,” and “If you loved me you would.”  These are just a few of the lines people use to get what they want.  Be smart enough to recognize a line when you hear it.

     Avoid creating situations that spell trouble.  Sexual feelings can be pretty overpowering at times, and it’s easy to get carried away by what you’re feeling.  Don’t allow yourself to put in situations where it’s hard to say no.  Be comfortable with who you are with and where you are. 

      Drugs and alcohol can sometimes lead you to do things you wouldn’t do if you weren’t intoxicated.  If a guy or girl you’re with seems to be pressuring you to drink too much or do drugs, ask yourself why.

      Besides talking about your feelings with your partner, not falling for lines, and avoiding or not creating situations that could mean trouble, what else can you do to help you stick with your decision not to become sexually active?  Many people get sexually involved because they’re afraid to say no - afraid that the guy or girl won’t like them anymore, or drop them, or that they’ll get angry and spread stories that aren’t true.  If this is one of your worries, think about whether what that person might feel or say about you is important enough to make you do something you really don’t want to do.  Ask yourself, is that person really worth hanging on to?

      Sex doesn’t just happen.  It’s the result of a conscious choice and that choice is yours.  If you’ve decided that you are not ready for sex, it’s OK to say no.