The teen years can be rough.  Often you feel stuck somewhere between childhood and adulthood without a clear understanding of who you are and where you belong.  This feeling often has you in conflict with parents and friends.  You might be moody or uptight without any apparent reasons.  We’ll discuss strong feelings you may be experiencing and what problems can arise if they’re not handled right.  We’ll also suggest how you can effectively cope with anger.

There are positive emotions, like love, happiness, and affection.  In contrast, there are negative emotions, like anger, hate and jealousy.  Both types are natural emotions to feel in certain situations.  Problems exist, however, when we don’t know how to best express and control our strong, negative emotions.

If we keep our feelings “bottled up” inside, we can end up physically and emotionally hurting ourselves.  Bottled up emotions can cause real physical pain such as headaches, stomach aches, cramps, rashes, etc.  Such pain can be a problem when you want to have fun with friends or settle down to do work.  It can also lead to more serious medical complications.  To keep negative feelings hidden takes a great deal of energy. 

It can also be harmful to others if you lose control over your feelings in a physical or verbal way.  For example, throwing things, hitting people, screaming, swearing and name-calling are all destructive ways of expressing strong negative feelings.

Let’s discuss some ways you can deal constructively with feelings like anger, hurt, and jealousy.  When anger is triggered inside of you, it’s easier to shout and storm out of the room rather than to sit someone down and to try talking about your feelings.  It’s easier to go on pretending you’re not hurt than it is to talk about it-easier, maybe, but not better.  By talking about your feelings you may open yourself up to more hurt, but that’s the risk you take when you let people know how you feel.  Opening up to someone in this way is an important part of developing a relationship.

The best way to deal with strong negative emotions is to work on changing or eliminating the situation that causes you to feel negative.  If you’re upset by something that someone does or says to you, tell that person how you feel.  That’s only fair, since he or she may not even realize how their behavior affects you.  It’s important to not blame the other person for what you’re feeling. 

Let’s say your best friend constantly puts you down when you’re in a group.  You might want to say, “You make me feel rotten when you put me down like that.”  Instead, describe your feelings by saying, “It really hurts when you say things like that about me in front of other people.”  When you say it in a way where you’re not blaming the other person, it may make them more willing to listen to you.  It probably won’t be easy for you to talk about your feelings at first, but it’s an important step in learning to deal with your negative feelings in a positive way.

There are other effective ways to express strong negative emotions.  These methods won’t get rid of the problem, but will help to lessen your pent-up feelings.  Physical activity is a popular way to deal with negative feelings.  Play tennis, jog, hit a punching bag, dance, or mow the lawn.  Do whatever you prefer as long as you work hard and burn up all that negative energy.

Another suggestion is to openly talk about your feelings.  “Talking it out” with a friend or an older sibling is a healthy way to deal with your emotions.  If you think you’re going to blow up, first try to get rid of some of your explosive feelings through physical activity.  Then, hopefully you’ll be ready to sit down and calmly talk with someone.

Maybe running around the block or talking with a friend just isn’t you.  You may feel more comfortable dealing with your negative emotions by expressing your creativity.  If you’re angry or hurt by what someone has said or done, you can write about it in a story or in a journal.  Other suggestions include playing music, singing, acting, or dancing.  These are all constructive ways of examining and expressing your emotions in a safe way.

Try not to get down on yourself over the strong negative feelings you have.  Everyone experiences anger at times in their lives.  For example, you may feel guilty about a blow up, or get angry with yourself when your jealousy makes you look foolish.  As we said before, it’s just as normal to have strong negative feelings as it is to have strong positive feelings.  To deny that you have emotions is to deny that you’re human. 

Because of all the growing up you have to do, your teen years can be emotionally rough.  It’s a time of great stress and strain.  The hormonal changes taking place in your body may cause you to unexpectedly flare up or experience some strange emotions.  If you find yourself moody or tense without any apparent reason, try one of the above suggestions for expressing these feelings.  Be gentle with yourself, because these emotions are natural.  They may be unpredictable, but with effort, you can learn to recognize and control them.