Your girlfriend has just told you she is pregnant.  The whole thing may seem unbelievable or frightening, or both.  Perhaps you thought, “It can’t happen to me.”  But it has.  And now you’re wondering what to do.

       Any unwanted or unplanned pregnancy means a lot of challenges for everyone concerned.  But it gets even more complicated if you’re young and unmarried.  The most important thing is not to panic.  Some difficult decisions will have to be made soon, and you can play an important part in making them.  But chances are you’ll have a little time before anything has to be decided.  So calm down, and take some time to figure out what’s happening and to get some help so that you can make the right choice.

       The important thing to realize is that you’re not alone.  You don’t have to face this problem all by yourself.  At this point, it will help you to talk over your feelings with someone.  You may be able to turn to your parents, an older brother or sister, your minister or priest, a counselor at school, or someone that you trust.  The one person who really needs your help at this time can also help you- that’s your girlfriend.  Talk over your feelings with her and listen to her feelings so that together you both can try to work out what you’re going to do about the pregnancy.

       In any pregnancy situation, whether it’s a wanted pregnancy or an unwanted one, the woman becomes the center of attention, and the man is often left out.  This is especially true in a pregnancy situation where the couple is young and unmarried.  So one of the first questions you might have as you’re sorting out your feelings is whether or not you will be involved in any decision made about your girlfriend’s pregnancy.

       Your girlfriend does have the legal right to decide for herself what to do about her pregnancy.  She and her parents may want to make this decision without letting you be involved.  If that’s the case, you may feel relieved.  Or you may feel angry and hurt.  Again, the best thing to do with your feelings is to talk them out with someone.

       Let’s suppose for a minute that the whole thing is a big hassle and all you want to do is split—but your girlfriend wants you to stick around and take on your share of responsibility.  No one can force you to be helpful and supportive.  But you should remember that every sexual relationship brings with it built in consequences and responsibilities.  And, it’s a fact that one of the possible consequences of sex is pregnancy, no matter how good the contraceptive.  As we said, no one can force you to act responsibly.  But your girlfriend has some problems that must be faced right away, and she will need your help.

       As nerve racking as all of this might be for you, it’s probably even worse for her.  On top of everything else, her body is going through incredible physical and chemical changes.  These changes will affect how she thinks and how she feels.  She may feel sick to her stomach, be depressed, and/or lonely.  Many young, unmarried women who find themselves pregnant are afraid that their boyfriends will blame them for pregnancy and dump them.  They’re insecure and wonder where they stand with their guy.

      What can you do to help?  If she doesn’t know any more than you do about what to do next, you and her may want to look at the article “Am I Pregnant?”  You can also offer to go with her when she goes for a pregnancy test, if she hasn’t already had one.  And even though it will be hard, if she needs your support, you can offer to be with her when she tells her parents.

       One of the best things you can do with her is to go for problem pregnancy counseling.  Deciding what to do will be one of the most difficult decisions you’ll ever make.  You should get as much information as you can before you decide, so that you can make a choice that’s right for you both.  Since it’s a choice that you should, hopefully, make together, its best if you go to counseling together.

       You do have several choices, none of them are easy:

       You and your girlfriend may decide to stay together or to get married and have the baby.  But remember, in marriage, the odds are against you.  According to statistics, your chances of staying married are very small.  One out of every three marriages in the United States ends in divorce.  For people married in their teens, the divorce rate is even higher.  Should you manage to stay together, it will be very very hard and a lot of work.  One or both of you may have to leave school to get a job.  But leaving school makes it hard to get a good job, and it’s very expensive to raise a child.  But, the good news is that, if you are both determined to work hard for each other and your baby, it can be done!

       Your girlfriend may decide to raise the child by herself.  If she does, there’s a very good chance that she won’t finish high school and won’t be able to get a decent job to support herself and the baby.

       You both may decide to put the baby up for adoption.  Like all other choices, this is a hard one to make.  If she chooses adoption and you disagree, you can apply through the courts for custody of the child.

       Another possibility is to put the baby in a foster home until such time as one or both of you is ready to care for the child.

       Still another alternative is to have the pregnancy terminated with an abortion.

      Whatever decision you and your girlfriend make, it will be a serious and difficult one for both of you.  But the choice you make should be the one that’s best for you.  That is why you both need to talk things over with a problem pregnancy counselor.  The counselor will explore all the alternatives with you, and give you and your girlfriend the kind of information you need to make you own choice.