The end.  Time to start at the beginning all over again.  When you and your significant other decided to break-up, it is always painful.  There just seems to be this void, this empty space that they occupied while you were together.  Now that they are gone, it may seem like there is nothing to fill that “ex” shaped hole.  Here are some things you can do to help yourself crawl, walk, skip then run back to life.  Remember there was life before the “ex”… there will be life after the “ex”. 

     Surround yourself with family and friends and keep busy.  Right after a break up, there are haunting feelings of loneliness, abandonment and self doubt.  Acknowledge these emotions.  Cry if you need to.  However, you should not be alone when you feel like this.  Call a close friend or two.  Let them know what is going on.  Tell them what you need.  It’s also good to find an active, fun group of people that you can hang out with.  It will get you out of the house and get your problems out of your head, even if just for a little while. 

Give yourself enough time and space to heal.  Initiating any kind of contact with your “ex” when you are not ready tends to have a sliding back effect.  You may find yourself, or them, wanting to get back together. Sometimes the feelings of loneliness and self doubt can be so overwhelming that it may feel like breaking up was a mistake.  You may have the idea in your head that “if only we were back together I would be happy.”  Wrong.  If there was a good reason for one of you to walk away a first time that same reason will still be around when one of you decides to walk away again.  The worst thing you can do is spend every day on the phone with one another or meeting up occasionally. Leaving you was probably the biggest mistake they will ever make.  Let them dwell on it, you move on!

     Be sure to take plenty of time before starting another relationship. While dating can help you feel better, entering into a relationship too soon can complicate the feelings you’re having.  Take time to heal before making any commitments or someone will probably end up getting hurt.  Healing takes time, but there are things you can do to speed up the process.  Make a detailed list of all your good qualities; inside and out.  Then make a list of all the things you could work on and work on them one by one.  You can also make a list of all the qualities you would like in a future someone.  When you are ready to start dating again, you now you have a better idea of what you want and what you don’t want in a relationship. 

     Do things that you used to do that made you happy before your “ex.”  Don’t be afraid to be yourself again.  Do something positive to occupy your time.  Become a volunteer, clean your house, or learn something new that you have always wanted to do.  Go out with friends and meet new people.  Take a yoga class, get a massage, and start exercising regularly.  Not being with someone gives you a lot of free time.  You time.  Use this time to reflect on what you just went through.  Write out all the things you would like to accomplish while you have the time.  See how many of them you can actually get done and don’t forget to reward yourself somehow each time you cross one off your list. Look at this break up as an opportunity to make a positive change in your life. 

     Break ups are never easy.  Many times, the only thing you can think about is “What went wrong?”  “Can I get him/her back?” or “I’ll show him/her.”  Your main concern, however, should be “How can I feel better right NOW?”  Be proactive.  Find ways to feel better about yourself.  Eventually, the sharp pain you feel right now will relent into a dull pain which will fade into something tiny and one day it will go away altogether.  As time goes on you will find yourself coming back to the whole person that you were before - with no “ex” shaped holes.