During your younger days, you probably got along with your parents.  However, as you’ve grown older, relating to them has become more difficult.  Do you ever feel that although your parents listen to you, they don’t truly hear what you’re saying?  Parents tend to nag about school, your friends, chores, and rules.  Communication between parents and teens sometimes breaks down to the point when you talk to your parents only when you need something from them.  Sometimes parents will only talk to you when it’s time to clean your room or take out the garbage.  If this happens often, you might start thinking that your parents don’t have time for you and your problems, and maybe they really don’t care.  Before you give up, try a few of the following suggestions.

Timing is important.  Knowing when to talk to your parents is as important as knowing when not to.  If you approach your parents only when you want something, they’ll soon be on their guard, and be less likely to pay attention and take you seriously.  Depending on how busy you and your parents are, you might want to schedule a specific date and time for you to get together to talk.  When they’re busy, you may not get their full attention.  For example, if your mom is getting dinner ready, setting the table, and helping your siblings with homework, help her and wait until things calm down before sitting down to talk with her. 

How often do you talk with your parents?  If you don’t very often, make an effort to strike up a conversation, even if it’s only about the weather or something funny that happened at school.  Natural and easy situations occur all the time.  If you and your dad or mom are washing dishes, folding laundry, or painting the living room, use that time to talk.  There’s already a certain closeness because you’re doing something together.  Also, they might be feeling positive about you to because of your effort to help around the house.  This action on your end may help them to be more understanding when you share that you’re failing English or want their permission to buy a car.  Try to be more sincere with your efforts and do things only when you want something.    

If you’re asking your parents for a favor or for permission, allow them enough time to think about it.  Don’t use a hit and run approach—that is, hit them with the request and then run out the door.  For example, you ask if you can use the car that night as you’re running out the door, headed to school.  You might figure, “this way they can’t ask me why and will have to say yes or no right away.”  If you use this approach often, your parents will get upset about feeling manipulated, and will be more likely to say “no” to your request.

As we mentioned earlier, timing is important.  Try to avoid approaching your parents when they’re tired or when they are concerned about their own problems.  Look at it from your perspective- when you’re tired or busy, do you like it when your parents want to have a serious talk?  Probably not, because you’re less likely to want to talk or are too distracted to give your full attention.  The same goes for your parents.  And if you know your parents are dealing with their own problems, reconsider before you hit them with your own problems.  Once in awhile, your parents may appreciate you listening to them. 

Effective communication involves both talking and listening.  If you haven’t been doing your share of listening, you may not get to do your share of talking.  The next time you notice that your parents seem uptight, try asking if they want to talk.  If you haven’t done this before, you might initially get a weird reaction.  Keep trying.  Eventually, it will get easier for you and your parents to share your thoughts with each other.  You’ll show each other respect and be genuinely interested in what you both have to say.  Remember, don’t give up on your parents if they seem like they don’t care about what you have to say.  Look through some of these suggestions, and give it your best shot.  Good luck!